23. "Why Do I Need A Poker Face?"

Mastering a poker face is an important skill in any career. It can be used in meetings to give you time to process whatever has been said. But it is especially important for interviews, in creating a safe space for participants so they do not feel judged. This week I give advice on how to develop your poker face.

***Trigger warning: please note in this post I refer to crimes against vulnerable people and instances of self-harm including suicide. If these topics are triggering for you, decide whether you should read this post or not.

My Experience of a Poker Face

I have done so many interviews, it is like I have a switch for 'interviewer mode'. Interviewer mode is similar to my personality, but is always focused on the participant, making the interview flow and being efficient to get all the required data. Part of 'interviewer mode' is feeling calm and somewhat desensitised between myself and the participant. This calmness is important as you are there for the participant so try to check your emotions at the door. This calmness allows me to set my face in a neutral position and keep it there regardless of what the participant says. This is the best way I can describe my poker face.

I have lost my poker face completely, but I am sure there have been many times where my poker face has slipped. I can recall three of these times vividly, where I felt the shock behind the mask.

Experience #1 - prison interview

Each interview I conducted in prison went for 30 minutes to an hour, depending on how chatty each participant was. The interview tool for this study was a thick booklet, and I just remember writing furiously for the entire interview. Asking the participant the next question when I was still writing their answer down from the last question to ensure the interview flowed for the participant. So I would often ask questions without looking up and write down the answers they gave.

Early on in each interview, I had to ask each person which crime they were currently serving a prison sentence for.

For a few participants, I noticed they would wait for me to look up from writing before answering. Each of these participants looked directly into my eyes and replied 'Murder', without blinking. I felt shocked based on the combination of the intense, unblinking eye contact and the tone of their voice. They were trying to intimidate me, and it worked. I am sure my eyes betrayed me, and went a bit wider when they said 'murder', but my voice remained steady as I enquired who the victim was (questions were either asked or skipped based on whether the crime was committed against a family member) and continued on with the rest of the interview.

I later asked a prison worker about this interaction, and they were not surprised. They said in gaol there is a hierarchy, and murderers tend to be higher up the hierarchy. So they need to be intimidating, to stop people lower in the hierarchy from physically attacking them to get more status.

Experience #2 - prison interview

The second moment also happened during a prison interview. I will respect the confidentiality agreement I signed when conducting this research so I will not go into detail about the interview. But, the participant told me in a lot of detail how they came to kill a vulnerable person close to them.

I will never unhear this story.

I remember thinking during the interview, I have never heard anything like this before. But I kept pushing forward, stayed in the moment and asked all the questions I needed to ask for the interview, and did not let myself feel anything based on their responses. The participant was very honest about their life and experiences, which was very helpful for data collection, but that was a hard day. Driving home that day I felt a range of emotions, and I am not sure if I have processed them all.

There was no check in protocol for these interviews. I never saw my co-workers as I was always driving to gaols. If I was ever to do interviews like this again, I would make sure there was a mechanism for me to get support if I needed it.

Experience #3 - mental health interview

Many of the participants I did interviews with tended to have chronic mental health issues, which they had been fighting for most of their life. I needed to ask about any thoughts or acts of self-harm or suicide attempts. In one interview a patient went into a lot of detail about these acts, plans and showed me some of their scars. Again, I will protect their confidentiality and not go into any further details, but this was a graphic interview.

As part of my own self care, I later found out a colleague knew about this patient's history and asked them if they knew something like that again in the future, to warn me beforehand so I can be more prepared. Again, for this position there was no supervision or checking in to see how the content had affected you.

I have conducted over 1000 interviews across sectors, settings and interview topics, with all types of research participants. But I still remember these three instances vividly, and the emotions I felt during each of the interviews.

Interviewing participants is a privilege, but every interview has the potential to change you forever, in positive and negative ways. Although the interview is all about the participant, you also need to protect yourself and practice self-care.

The Lessons for a Poker Face

• Participant-focused interviews

A poker face is really important for both yourself and the participant. If you feel shocked by the participant's experience, just remember they are the ones processing that experience, and may still be processing it.

• Protect yourself

If you will be interviewing participants on any sensitive matters, ask your supervisor if you can have regular supervision/check ins to discuss the content of the interviews. You may not need it 95% of the time, but you will have the support system in place if you do.

Also, if you are interviewing participants alone ensure there is a system to alert other people if you need help. For example, when I entered any prison, I had a safety alert system buckled to my belt. I was to press it if I needed any help whilst in the prison.

• Practice self-care

For the first few months of an interviewing role, you will likely be finding your feet in the interview and listening to the participant's stories. Take note of how you feel after each day, is there a maximum number of interviews you should complete per day or per week to ensure you do not go home feeling exhausted at the end of each day? If so, speak to your supervisor about spacing out the interviews, or potentially hiring a casual employee to help take the strain off yourself.

This may be a difficult conversation to have with your supervisor so make sure you outline the benefits of either of these suggestions for yourself, and the larger project. See how your supervisor responds, as they may make other suggestions to ensure you do not burn out.

See "How Do You Switch Off?" for tips on self care.

• Check (most of) your emotions at the door

As the interview is about the participant, you cannot make it about you or your emotions. If you feel your emotions are getting too intense, see if you can excuse yourself to go to the bathroom to compose yourself before returning to the interview. Be careful when you take a break though, as if you do it in the middle of an intense moment, it is unlikely you will be able to get back there and the participant may feel judged or vulnerable having just told you about a sensitive topic. If you can wait for a natural lull in the interview, this is better for you and the participant.

Over time, you will naturally develop a poker face as you will become desensitised to the stories that are common in this research participant population.

• Give yourself time to process the content

I have a very well developed poker face in interviews, and I am trying to insert some of that calmness and desensitisation into my meetings persona too. We have all been in meetings where we disagree with an idea or comment said in a meeting. Being authentic is important to me, so I allowed my emotions to be present in meetings. Not in a disrespectful or intense way, but they were there. I am now trying to be calmer in meetings, not react to the content as I hear it and ask relevant questions in a calm voice. I may write a post in the future about how this worked out for me......

How did you develop your poker face? What have been the memorable moments from your interviews? Have some participants changed your life? Let me know your experience by leaving a comment below or emailing me at AuthenticResearchExperiences@gmail.com

BB

Photo by Harli Marten on Unsplash

Related posts

"How Do You Switch Off?"

"OK, I'll Start The Interview Now"

"Why Do Interview Role Plays?"

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