42. "What Were Your 2020 Wins?"
- Bianca Blanch
- Dec 18, 2020
- 3 min read
2020 was an unexpected and hard year for everyone. We lived through the dark times, so let's remember the better, less hard moments. What were your wins in 2020? How did you surprise yourself? What did social isolation mean to you? How has this year changed you?
My 2020 Wins
Honestly, this year was hard.
Right before COVID hit, I was made redundant. Then I became depressed. I was one of the lucky people who found a job during COVID, but it wasn't a great fit, which added to my feelings of uselessness.
During COVID, I moved in with my partner's family. They were extremely supportive and we ended up living there for most of 2020. Having their support helped me get up each day, but I am still battling the demons who surfaces during my depression.
So I am writing this blog because I am a glass is almost full (instead of half empty) person. I want to remember my wins this year and not let the darkness ruin what I found out about myself this year.
I can say I had two wins in 2020:
1.This blog
Throughout the depression I felt hopeless.
My thoughts were all negative:
I'm bad at my job
I don't fit anywhere
I don't finish anything I start
Why does everyone else have it together and not me?
The feelings were endless. They swallowed me whole and I could not stop their chanting.
So to stop the voices I started this blog. My own project where I do fit in, finish a blog each week and a skill I can improve in.
The focus of my blog is research. I am passionate about communicating with junior researchers to tell them my experience of the good, the bad and the ugly of a career in research. I don't have all the answers. But I have written down some of the research wisdom I have learnt over the past 13 years or so.
The blog also picked up my mood.
The week I was made redundant, I wrote my most read blog post called 'Should I Do A PhD?' Swings and roundabouts.
It also showed me that I am creative, disciplined and I love writing. It has also taught me new skills, like how to build a website, and I have connected with other researchers on Twitter.
Lastly, I am enamoured with start-up culture and this blog made me a Founder.
2. A job where I belong
Another reason I started this blog was because I missed academia. I missed research.
I started this blog after I had been out of academia for about 2 years. After leaving academia for financial reasons, I felt lost. I belonged in academia. And I never felt that I belonged anywhere else. I liked where I worked, I liked my colleagues, but it wasn't home.
All three jobs after academia were wrong for me in different ways. But then I stumbled across a project manager role in health using health data. My specialty. My feeling of belongingness returned. I found my people.
It is still early days, I'm only 2 months in. But I am loving it. I can feel the roots of my ambition re-sprouting in my blood. And I care about what I do. The other places were a job and a pay check, but this is love.
I have grown a lot in 2020. When I recall how I was feeling in December 2019, the lost, bewildered feelings have gone and I am remembering my confidence and who I am as an employee.
It has been a really hard year globally. And what will 2021 be like? Whether it is another really hard year, or an easy year always remember to think of how you have changed and what you have learnt. When you are in the hard parts, it is hard to see that any good will come of it. So when you are on the other side, look back, recognise you are on the other side and think about what you have learnt about life and yourself.
What were your 2020 wins? What were your hard losses that you bounced back from? Let me know your experience by leaving a comment below or emailing me at AuthenticResearchExperiences@gmail.com
B
Photo by Louis Hansel @shotsoflouis on Unsplash
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