19. "How Do I Build Rapport?"

Rapport between you and your manager is really important. My ideal working environment is for my colleagues and I to get along, have a laugh and do productive work. These are my tips to build rapport with all my work colleagues, but particularly with my manager.

My Experience of Building Rapport With My Manager

Over the years I have had many managers, some I bonded with instantly and for some we never got there.

I realised how important the manager bond is after I developed a really strong rapport with one manager. When I first started working with the group, my manager invited me out for coffee every fortnight for the first couple of months. I was really nervous at first with these coffees, as I thought, what would we talk about?

And these coffees were initially awkward! We were two people who didn't really know each other. But over time, this ritual broke the ice and we started to build a relationship.

After this foundation was built, in each meeting I had with my manager we would have a quick chat about life before jumping into the work talk. Over time, we developed two relationships that were separate - a professional, and personal relationship. (By personal relationship I mean we developed a platonic friendship). I think the coffees, and the quick personal check-ins made us more productive, as we knew each other as people, not just as colleagues.

Our professional relationship meant they had to be a manager and sometimes pull me up if I made a mistake or didn't deliver a project on time. But because we had a personal relationship, I didn't feel the sting or experience the guilt I have felt when other manager's have negatively reviewed my work in the past. As my manager was invested in me as a person and in my career long term, it inspired me to want to learn and produce a higher quality of work. This has been the most productive and fruitful working relationship I have enjoyed throughout my career (so far).

The Lessons for Bonding With Your Manager

Every manager/employee relationship is different. You should not try to compare your relationship with your colleagues. Also, you should never force a personal relationship with your supervisor. You need to take into consideration the personality of your manager, and both your and their personal boundaries.

• Why bond with your manager?

For me, a strong bond with your manager makes me more productive, and makes the tough conversations less awkward, and allows you t get vulnerable. Knowing your manager cares about you means they will likely respond as a person to any issues you are having rather than as a boss.

• What does your ideal relationship with your manager look like?

Think about all of your managers, which ones did you like? Which ones did you get along with? Which ones made you a more productive worker? Where were you happy? Use the answers to these questions to picture your ideal manager, and the type of relationship you respond to. Then, strive to make it happen.

This type of insight is invaluable in an interview situation as well. Some interviewers have asked me 'What is your ideal work environment?' and 'What type of management style do you respond best to?' But, only in the last few years have I actually thought about my preferred management style and what interactions make me a happy and productive worker.

• Ask your manager some personal questions

If a personal relationship is part of your ideal relationship, ask your manager some non-work related questions, about their family, pets, hobbies, moments from their career etc.

See how they respond to these questions.

If they encourage the conversation and ask you reciprocal questions then continue this strategy to build on your bond. If they appear uncomfortable, shut the conversation down quickly and do not ask you questions, maybe this is strategy will harm rather than help the bond.

• Ask to get a coffee, or lunch

If you feel it is appropriate, ask your manager if they want to grab a coffee, go for a walking meeting or lunch. It is important to bond outside of the office, otherwise you may get distracted by work, or only talk about work. By leaving the office you will likely see another side to your manager and they will see another side to you as well.

• Remember birthdays and celebrate special occasions

One way to develop a bond with your manager is to strengthen the bond of the entire group. A simple way to do this is to celebrate each person's birthday with their favourite type of cake. A morning tea is a nice way to celebrate your colleague's birthday.

My Experience: At one workplace we had a tradition of everyone saying why they appreciated about the birthday person. It was really lovely to hear what your colleagues thought of you, and also what personal quirks they notice. But this tradition can also be quite uncomfortable for the person who is having the birthday, so decide if this tradition would be welcomed in your workplace.

• Be patient

Developing a real bond can take time, take a note of which techniques feel natural to you and strengthen the bond with your manager.

• Don't be afraid to speak out

Bonding with your manager, does not mean becoming a 'yes person'. Having a respectful relationship with your manager means speaking out if you think something is not right.

My Experience: I am quite an extroverted and outspoken person. In one workplace, my team was quite shy. Occasionally our team was given a disproportionate amount of work, that another team had previously performed. When this occurred our team would generally get annoyed but not say anything to our manager or anyone else in a position of power. I started talking to my manager when this happened, and they told me they appreciated the honest feedback as it gave them a better insight into the team. It also gave them the information they needed to be a better manager and find out why our team kept on being assigned more work.

• Keep up the good work!

If you feel like you are developing a stronger bond with your manager, don't let the quality of your work slip. The best way to strengthen the relationship with your manager is to keep producing high quality work.

• Talk to your colleagues

If you have a colleague who has a good bond with your manager, or has simply been at the workplace for longer, you could ask them some advice on how to strengthen your bond, or develop your ideal relationship with your manager.

How is your relationship with your manager? Are there any aspects of the relationship you could improve? What are your tricks to have a more productive relationship? Let me know your experience by leaving a comment below or emailing me at AuthenticResearchExperiences@gmail.com

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Photo by Tim Mossholder on Unsplash

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